God... we were so close to bringing him back..
he left just like that.
what happened???
was it e lack of trust or e lack of commitment?

so close...
it just left me thinking. where the hell did we go wrong?

went cycling at pulau ubin today. soaked up some sun!
got home.. and heard some stuff from my sis.

i just feel tt if a man cant bear to part w his money, he will never be able to love his wife to e max.
besides ur time, ur money is e most important thing.
if a man never learns to be generous, he will never be prosperous in his life.
the unwillingness to pay for the children's expenses simply irks me.
losing money in shares does not excuse him from paying e utility bills & such.
getting e wife to pay for e household expenses & e children's expenses shows a lack of maturity.
e lack of maturity reveals tt he has not learnt to be fully responsible for his own life.

what kind of a man is he if he were to allow his wife to pay for almost everything in e family?

building a family together means he shares e responsibilities & burdens together w his wife.
has he forgotten e vow he made at e altar??

oh dad... how could u???

somewhere along the way, i lost the passion for the things i used to love doing.
serving, ministering... got tired and disappointed.
in the midst of all these, my heart was hardened and the love for God grew cold.
service that is not unto God is routine, done out of religious duty.
serving unto God... brings purpose and joy.

i fell, had to learn to pick myself up.
sometimes it felt like i was alone... having to go through difficulties at home as well.
all it took, was for someone to believe in me.
im glad someone believed in me.

and today, i asked God...
was it worth dying on the cross for me knowing that one day, i would screw up, grieve you,
and not be able to pick myself up again??? what happened to my first love??
im sorry i screwed up again. big time.

and to all that, He just said, '' I couldnt love you less.''

slept like a log e moment i reached home from work. from 4 all e way to 9. good rest for my body i must say. didnt really have a day to myself after internship ended. when im busy w so many things, i feel an immediate void when i have even a bit of time to myself. and so i keep myself busy just so i wont have to feel e void.

then when i finally have time for myself on thurs, im thinking, what do i do???

sometimes we do get so busy that even taking out an hour to fellowship w God is difficult. yet, spending time in e presence of God is e only time where i dont have to think about anything else at all. well well well...

something else tt has been running thru my mind is savings. gotta have e discipline of saving. if i spend what i have, then i'll have nth to fall back on. i have many many things tt i cant wait to get my hands on, but they just gotta wait. it doesnt matter if i suffer a bit now, cause im looking at e long-term.

i feel tt last sat's cgm offering message was really good. a confirmation. savings, investments & playing on e property market. sth really different when ur cgl's a banker.

yeah!!! meeting w pastor tmr.. im expecting sth. sth...

argh!!! im down w cold.
why didnt i fall sick when i was on four months of internship?
when i can finally enjoy myself for a short while, my body has to succumb to the virus.

today marks the official end of internship!! handed in the report, got home just in time to catch some rest.

afternoon @ east coast park. just me & e sun. love it!

im feeling hungry man.. all i had was 3 slices of pineapple the whole day... im so looking forward to dinner! and then im gonna watch mummy3 tmr!

finally a day of rest today... no cgm. so gonna paint my nails tonight =)